10 ways to argue well with your spouse

Arguing is a guaranteed part of marriage. You might as well learn to do it well and figure out how to make it work to your advantage. Here are some methods you and your permanent roommate can try and see how they work for you!

#1. Explain very clearly and calmly why you are upset.

Your partner cannot read your mind. We keep trying to make our spouses read our minds and it has never worked. I haven't heard of one single case where it has. So let's not keep trying the same thing over and over and expect a different result. Einstein told us that this makes us a crazy person.  Don't be a crazy person. Just explain.

#2. Give your partner a chance to speak and then LISTEN!

How would you like it if someone accused you of something and you never got the chance to defend yourself? You'd feel bad. So don't do this to other people.

#3. Don't assume the worst and be nice even while arguing (more on this here).

My husband likes to hold me when we're having a disagreement. This used to bug me, but then I realized, it only bugs me because him holding me makes me less mad and I wanted to stay mad (that's stupid). So I stopped being stupid, and decided that if my husband wants to hold me while we argue, then I should let him and be thankful I married such a sweet man.

#4. Admit when you're letting your emotions cloud your judgment.

I hate to be the one to break it to you (not I don't), but you definitely probably do that sometimes.

#5. Take responsibility for your % of the problem.

Maybe you're 90% right. However, you need to take responsibility for your 10%. Make sure to mention it and apologize for it before addressing the other 90%. In the end, you only have control over your percentage of any problem, and chances are the 10% you think is yours might actually be more like 50%.

#6. Intend for there to be a resolution to the issue.

Walk in assuming that together, you will solve the problem. No arguing just to argue. That's dumb. Don't do that.

#7. Don't be too proud to say sorry first.

Be quick to apologize! This is guaranteed to get you a positive result. If your spouse wants to keep arguing even after you've said sorry chances are they weren't paying enough attention to the last method. Oh, and ALSO, mean it. It's always easy to tell when someone isn't really sorry.

#8. Forgive easily and don't keep score.

If you're a naturally competitive person, I know this will be hard for you. Here's a way to reframe things that might help. A marriage is not a sporting event with two competitors on different teams. A marriage is a team sport with two team members. Your goal is to be better than all the other teams (competing with other marriages is super healthy and not at all dumb).

*For anyone who can't tell - the above statement and the following sentence in parentheses are in fact a joke.

#9. Remember that you are not your spouse's judge, jury or executioner.

It truly isn't your place to do any of the above things. Especially executioner. Don't execute your spouse. But seriously, you're not in charge of your spouses behavior - neither are they in charge of yours. It isn't your place to discipline or administer justice when it comes to your spouse. This is the Lord's job. Don't get in His way.

#10. Be reasonable.

If you can't support your argument with facts, chances are this is an imagined problem. Imagined problems are pretty tough to argue about and you'll just end up looking ridiculous.

What are some healthy ways that you and your spouse resolve conflict? Let me know in the comments below!