5 Ways to Celebrate a loved one you've lost

By the time I turned 20, I had lost most of my family members on my biological father's side of the family - including my father. The deaths all occurred in a 5 year period. Not to say that I've experienced more or less loss and death than anyone else, but to me it felt like A LOT all at once. Not only had I lost 3 really important people in my life in really quick succession, I was also in the middle of growing up and becoming an adult. I was 15 when my paternal grandfather succumbed to terminal lung cancer. I was 18 when my paternal grandmother passed away from a blood clot in her lungs. I was 20 when my father committed suicide unexpectedly.

I would never want to diminish or undermine anyone else's experiences by comparing them with my own. But by the time I turned 20, I felt like I'd personally seen a lot of death and loss. I feel now that this has uniquely equipped me to talk a little bit about losing close loved ones and how you can still celebrate them even after they're gone.

Before I get into talking about how I like to celebrate my family, I want to speak to how relationships can be complicated. That is to say, I really love celebrating my loved ones, but my relationships with these individuals weren't always sunny. I know that probably everyone can relate to this. I believe it was important for my process to acknowledge that I had some pretty difficult dynamics with these 3 people at times. The last thing I want to do is put my lost loved ones up on a pedestal now that they're gone. I don't want to make them into saints. I don't want to make them into people that they actually weren't. I want to remember them as they were, with all their amazing and admiral traits but also their imperfections and flaws.

Alrighty, onto some ways that I like to celebrate my lost loved ones! I hope that these tools and suggestions can be helpful for someone out there.

*Please take these for what they are - suggestions and personal opinions. Everyone grieves and celebrates lost loved ones differently. Do what you need to do for your own process.

1. Do something that you used to like to do with that person every once in a while.

Do it alone or with a different loved one. For example - my dad used to read the Harry Potter series out loud to me. This was something we bonded over. It was a big part and a really positive part of our relationship. So now, on his birthday, I like to visit different thrift shops to try and find hard copies of the Harry Potter series. I'll do this until I collect the full set. Then, when I have children of my own, I plan to read the series aloud to them like my dad did for me.

My dad was a bit of an amateur desert botanist. He loved desert plants, and had a truly beautiful desert garden that he'd nurtured and put a lot of work into. He also loved to teach me about these plants and would forever be pointing plants out when were were camping or hiking. Now, every once in a while, I like to bring a new plant into my home. I also love going to visit plant shops, nurseries or botanicals. This is something I know my dad would have loved.

Doing these things makes me feel like I'm honoring a part of our relationship by keeping it a part of my life. It makes me feel like I'm preserving a precious memory and letting that positivity live on in my life.

2. Keep a few mementos (a healthy amount) in your home from a loved one that you can see or use everyday. 

I have a pair of pearl earrings from my Grandma that she got while visiting one of her favorite places on earth - Hawaii. I wore these earrings on my wedding day (which unfortunately my Grandma did not get to be a part of as she had already passed), but I also wear them whenever I feel like it or when I just think they look cute.

For me, having some mementos, normalizes my loved one's presence in my life - just in a different way then they were with me before. Seeing or using items that belonged to them on a regular basis makes me feel like I have a bit of a tangible legacy from them.

I do think it's important to mention that I also believe in having a healthy relationship with mementos. These symbols are important. Definitely. But it's also important to remember that these items are just items. And unfortunately you never know and can never control what will happen to your possessions.

3. Celebrate some things you have in common with your loved one - physical characteristics, personality traits (even the imperfect ones), taste in music...etc. 

Everyone always told me that I have my father's eyes. Now that he's gone, I cherish this similarity, this inheritance from him. I like knowing that his DNA is preserved through me.
I  also remember that my Grandpa, a New Englander, LOVED blueberries, and maple syrup on his sausage links. These are some of my favorite foods, and something simple that I love to have in common with my sweet Grandpa.

4. Live out a dream they were never able to accomplish.

If you can find a dream that you want to live out for your loved one, I encourage you to do it. Maybe your loved one wanted to travel to a particular place, or see a certain band in person, but never had the chance to. It could be really cool to go in their stead, as their proxy.

*This one SHOULD NOT, I repeat SHOULD NOT, negatively affect your life in anyway! If living out a dream of a loved one puts you under any strain - physical, financial, emotional or otherwise DO NOT continue pursuing that thing.

5. Share about your loved one.

This one can look however you want it to. This could be simply talking about that person. It could be a painting, a song, a blog post, a photograph... etc.

I like to share about my loved ones as I'm reminded of something about them. And I share everything, even some of the not so awesome parts. I just believe that it's important to let other people share in some of your memories about your loved one. Letting someone else be a part of it can be really healing and healthy.

And in the spirit of that I invite you to share with me about some ways YOU like to celebrate your lost loved ones! Because there are lots of ways. Do what you need to do for your own process!