The Secret to an Awesome Life

I'll be honest, I want a glorious life. I don't want to feel "bleh" about my own life. I want to do the 'Judd Nelson fist pump in the air ' as I walk away from my life ( you are all welcome for my awesome Breakfast Club reference). At the end of my days I want to be able to look back and say "that was awesome". There are a lot of ideas out there about what will make your life better, but the one thing that I know is essential to my life recipe - the ingredient that takes it from palatable to "the best thing I've ever tasted" is forgiveness. 

I had this really huge thing hanging over me that I just would not let go of for a long time. My dad died. He committed suicide (you can read his story here). And I would not let it go. I would not forgive him. I flat out refused to let him off the hook for it for a really long time. Even though my dad is gone and wasn't affected by my refusal to forgive him, I still held onto my unforgiveness. Part of that was me trying to hold onto my dad, I was afraid to forgive because I felt like I was gonna lose my dad completely. But part of it was just that I didn't want to give the gift of forgiveness because I was angry. And because I truly understood the value and the cost of forgiveness. That's what I'd like to talk about today - the value and the cost of forgiveness.

• Forgiveness is free for the recipient but costly for the giver. 

Don't get me wrong forgiveness may be costly for the forgiver, but it's also rewarding. It's really worth it, but it is extremely costly. It's expensive because it has to be given to the recipient for absolutely 100% free. The giver of the forgiveness has to accept that they're letting go of anything they might feel is owed to them. The receiver should be able to walk away totally free of anything expect for forgiveness. You can't forgive and hold a grudge at the same time. That's not forgiveness. And you can't require the person you're forgiving to EARN the forgiveness. That's not forgiveness either. That's punishment. That's you teaching someone a lesson. Don't call that forgiveness.

• Forgiveness is radical and life changing

Forgiveness - when implemented into a situation that calls for it, changes the nature of that situation. It takes broken relationships and alters the DNA to create something new. Real forgiveness, when used, is a powerful weapon against the forces seeking to destroy healthy marriages, friendships, families, etc. Brokenness cannot exist harmoniously with forgiveness. Brokenness has no place anymore, there isn't any room for it. Forgiveness dissolves the dysfunction and infuses health and wholeness. 

• Forgiveness is deeply rewarding

Obviously BEING forgiven is super valuable - but forgiving - I would argue is even more so. Forgiving transgressions that have been made against you is like a balm to a sore soul. It is the tool that God uses to heal your heart and mind. Forgiveness is refreshing. It's refreshing because before, you had an ugly burden, now, you have the beautiful absence of it! Forgiveness is costly, but it has tremendous reward for you when you give it out freely.


I believe that every human being who has any interactions with any other human beings needs to be prepared to forgive often and to ask for forgiveness often. It's just a fact of life - we don't always get it right and neither does anyone else. My advice to anyone looking to live their best life is to learn how to do this right and well. This, I believe, is the secret to an awesome life! Go live it!