Beautifully Blended

How growing up in a blended family made me different and what it taught me.

Having divorced parents is complicated. For any person with divorced parents, this isn't news. It's a cold, hard, fact. I'll touch on that fact a little bit, but mostly I want to focus on the beauty of the blended family.

• How we got here matters, but not as much as what we do NOW does.

Something I never did, even as a child, was wish that my biological parents were still together. Maybe it's because I was 3 when my parents divorced and I never knew any different, but I never wished for them to be together. It didn't occur to me to want that. Both of my step parents came into my life around the same time. I was about 5 when I met my stepdad. I went right up to him and introduced myself. I like to think that even then, before my Mom and (step)Dad even fell in love or really knew each other, I recognized a kindred spirit in my stepdad. I honestly don't remember the first time I met my stepmom, she's not in my earlier memories, but all of a sudden, there she is - a constant in a sometimes chaotic world. Both of my parents remarried, not at the same time, but they did. And my family got bigger. I never thought to question that. I loved my people, my tribe, and I never wished for anything to be different.

• People are going to judge your relationships.

This didn't happen often, but when it did it was memorable. Like I said, I loved my family, and I felt normal most of the time. But every now and then someone would say something about how my family functioned and it would leave me feeling a little unsettled. I remember thinking "We're NOT normal?". I remember a specific comment made to me about the names I called my four different parents. Someone asked me if I thought that it made my biological father sad that I called my stepdad, just plain ole’ dad. I'm pretty proud to admit that I immediately dismissed and rejected that. When it comes to blended families, there really isn't a one size fits all type of "normal". And as a child affected by divorce and remarriage and the blending of families, I'm proud to say that my definition of "normal" is full of grace, mercy, hope and love. 

• Not everyone will be able to relate to you

Every family has issues and baggage and unique tendencies. The specific timbre of these things for blended families is going to be different than any other family out there. Even other blended families. This can make a person feel isolated, lonely and misunderstood. For me, those feelings caused me to turn to my relationship with God for security, comfort and understanding. Not to say that my blended family didn't have it's fair share of difficult circumstances to overcome. But I feel like we were learning how to be equipped to deal with all of it because our family, though flawed, was seeking after the Lord. 

• It’s okay to love your family just the way it is

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being at peace with, or liking the way your family is when it’s blended. As the child, it’s important to remember that you are not responsible for the way your family is. You can’t help it. And if you love your tribe, and everything is healthy, there’s nothing wrong with that. Human’s have a great capacity for love and our "family folder" doesn’t have to be a certain size. It’s okay to bring more people into the fold.

• It’s important to remember that everything is for the Glory of God

So, maybe your family’s story is different from other people’s. Maybe there was some hurt and some division. But it really is so important to remember that all of our lives are being woven into an extraordinary tapestry created by God’s hands and our choices. We should all, always, be searching for more ways and better ways to honor God. Our testimonies are for His glory. As long as we remember that and try to live our lives accordingly, I think we’re all doing okay!